


Your eyes will need some time to adjust (Along with your heart, mind, and vampire soul)

by booksandanime



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz can't believe that Simon likes him, Dorks, Fluff and Slight Angst, M/M, Simon is a great boyfriend, Simon is dense, lots of pining, reassurance, spoilers for the book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5051872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandanime/pseuds/booksandanime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon Snow is everything to Baz, he just needs to realize it. </p>
<p>Baz is everything to Simon, he just needs to understand that. </p>
<p>(Or where Simon is oblivious, Baz pines a lot, they get together after a lot of drama, and Simon proves himself to be an amazing boyfriend.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your eyes will need some time to adjust (Along with your heart, mind, and vampire soul)

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. Carry On was perfect in every way, and I have a lot of feelings, so I decided to write this.
> 
> The fic starts sometime around the time that Baz came back, with some drabbles centered on scenes in the book. Like, the time when they held hands, and Baz wrote a sonnet, and the time they became allies, among others. =]
> 
> Parts of this will be my own retake on scenes that happened in the book, but the beginning and the ending is my own work.

Simon Snow is like the sun. He's so bright, it hurts. He's like a beacon, a ray, a ball of gas, anything that produces light, warmth, heat, or all of the above.  
  
(It's just more proof that he's alive.)

Baz craves him, craves his ability to be so alive. It's a hunger, a blinding hunger, and in some ways, it's even more dangerous than his thirst for blood. He can have blood from various sources, without ever having to touch a human. (Rats are the most convenient choice.) But for the former, there's nothing that can satisfy his hunger, his thirst for his roommate.

So he sticks to observing him, because that's all he can do.

And annoy him. That one's always fun.   
  
He can also dream about him. He doesn't obsess about him; that Simon's job.   
  
Baz just does it in a more elegant way. He deliberately muses and reflects on him.  
  
On the way that Simon always leaves sandwich crumbs around.   
  
On the knowledge that Simon is hounded with more nightmares than him.  
  
On the fact that Simon always acts before thinking.  
  
On the opinion that maybe he doesn't think at all.  
  
On the speed in which Simon guessed that he was a vampire, but remained completely oblivious to his feelings for him.   
  
On the fact that Baz is completely, hopelessly, in love with him.  
  
(He doesn't even have to reflect on that last one anymore. It comes naturally, like breathing.)

\----------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is a walking, breathing hero stereotype. 

His eyes are so blue,so honest, and you can see his every emotion in them.

They're also very, very, boring, and for some insane reason, Baz turns into a stuttering mess if Simon so much as blinks at him.

He tells himself that being born with blue eyes was an arrogant "Chosen one" thing, and that Simon's bronze curls and tawny skin were also something planned. Like, "Hey, let's make a savior for the world of Mages, and give him the ability to act before thinking, to be really arrogant, and to have criminally good looks. Oh, and let's also give him a vampire as his roommate, that should be fun!"  
  
The world was twisted. He should know, because he was also twisted, falling in love with the hero, like some tragic story. The hero who he had tried to kill numerous times, who he always fought, who haunted his waking dreams, day or night.   
  
Really, he almost wishes he had managed to kill Simon before, if this was what having him alive did to him. But he strongly doubts his ability to, considering that he always lost when it came to him. It was frustrating. (It was electrifying.)   
  
And he still couldn't decide if it was a good thing, or an extremely bad kick-you-in-the-ass thing.   
  
Knowing Simon, it would probably be more of the latter.   
  
Baz sighs.  
  
Simon, on the bed next to him, glances at him. "What are you sulking about this time, Baz?"  
  
"I never sulk. I'm just expressing my sadness over having a complete moron like you as a roommate." Baz sneers.   
  
Annoyance literally sparks in Simon, and Baz can feel it.   
  
"Yeah, well, I thought we were over that." He says, suspiciously.  
  
Baz had to keep himself from sighing again.  _Still wondering when I'll kill him. Doesn't he know that I have no more interest in that? Well, even less than before.  
_  
"I'm glad you think like that, Snow, it'll make it easier for me to trick you." Baz says, dryly.  
  
Simon tenses, and Baz almost snickers.  _Still too easy._  
  
"Actually, I-" Simon began.  
  
"Am a complete moron, don't worry, I knew that already." Baz says.  
  
Simon frowns. "I- you... never mind."  
  
Baz almost wants to apologize, but then Simon wouldn't believe him anyway. If ever, he would distrust him all the more.  
  
"Alright." was all he says.  
  
And Simon returns to whatever he was doing before he interrupted Baz. (Or did Baz interrupt him?) (Maybe. Maybe not.)  
  
And Baz returns to thinking about blue eyes and blood.  
  
\-----------------------------

Simon Snow smells like smoke.   
  
Sometimes Baz wonders how Simon would look like when he finally sets off against the Humdrum. Will he explode into little pieces of atoms, like a firework, scattering them around? Would he go out like a fire, with smoke and ashes? Baz knew one thing for sure, though.  
  
If Simon ever went off against the Humdrumm, he would make sure that he wouldn't hurt anyone. That was the only thing Simon could do while he went off like an H-bomb.  
  
And the only casualty would be him. (If he dies.)   
  
Baz wasn't sure where he'd be at that time.  
  
With his family, planning to take over, as soon as the Insidious Humdrum (and maybe even Simon) was gone? At Watford, watching Simon die? Beside Simon, saying something to aggravate him as usual, just before he dies?  
  
Baz should have thought it was bad that he kept having scenarios where Simon died. In actuality, it was his way of coping with the fact that Simon may die, and that Baz would not be able to stop it.  
  
So, he should do the logical thing, and think about what he would do after. After Watford, after lessons, after  _him.  
  
_ He was smart enough, maybe he could have a seat on the Council sometime. He was sure his family name would get through, the Pitches were a very old and renowned family after all.   
  
Making decisions to clean up Simon's mess. That's what he would be doing. Just like always.  
  
Though, to be fair, Simon was a mess himself. Always acting, never thinking, always ready to just  _go off._ He was a nuclear reaction, or at least he was for the Mage. A weapon to wield against the Humdrum, a weapon to end all wars.  
  
But he wasn't that to Baz. He was just... a boy, a boy with magical abilities far above everyone else's, and a hero complex. He always had to fix everything, to protect everyone, never thinking of himself.   
  
(Baz thought about him enough for the both of them.)  
  
Baz tried to. Take care of Simon, that is. With inquiries about his health disguised as jabs and teases, with asking if he could understand the homework in a condescending way, in all forms of tricks and lies, pretending that he didn't care at all what happened to Simon.  
  
He's had years to perfect that little trick.   
  
He does it for his amusement, out of care, but also, out of selfishness. That maybe if- no,  _when_ _-_ he dies, Simon would remember him.  
  
Not in a "aggravating nemesis" way, but maybe in a "aggravating roommate" way.  
  
(As if that would be any better.)   
  
Baz resists the urge to slap his forehead, because that would be stupid, it would leave a mark, and why would he want to mess up his sculpted face?  
  
But maybe it would make Simon look over at him.   
  
Baz toys with the idea, before discarding it. He's not that desperate.   
  
_Yet_   goes unspoken.  
  
Or maybe just,  _not now._  
  
\--------------------------------

Simon Snow is a generator.   
  
His hand is holding Baz' hand tightly, and Baz can't speak. No, that's not right, he's talking _too_ much. He's blabbing right now, and he's just grateful that Simon isn't pulling away, because he doesn't know what he would do if he did, (Probably nothing, but maybe he'd have the courage to do _something_ ), and the stars are out, (Baz vaguely remembers the fact that he made this happen), but  _Crowley,_ he's _holding Simon Snow's hands._  
  
This shouldn't make him as happy as it does. Maybe it's just Simon's power that's making him feel this way. That's making him foolish. That's making him feel like he could do anything (Or everything, why not?), and not care. That there would be no consequences, no worries, just him, Simon, and the stars.  
  
But then of course, Simon starts to talk, and Baz remembers himself, remembers where he is, and who he's with, and just like that, he pulls his hands away (already missing the warmth of Simon's hands), lies down on his bed, and feigns tiredness.  
  
He can hear Simon's steady breathing, he can smell the smoke on Simon's clothes, and he knows when Simon gets off his bed, and goes to his.  
  
Baz waits for a while, then rolls to face the wall, and buries half of his face in his pillow.  
  
He can still feel the spark of where Simon touched him.  
  
He clenches and un-clenches his hands into fists. It's strange how he feels so... warm.   
  
And this time, for as long as he can remember, Baz falls asleep first.  
  
\--------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is... apparently his ally now.   
  
And Baz isn't quite sure how he feels about that. (Without him trying to censor his feelings, that is.) (Of course he knows what he's feeling.) (He's  _ecstatic.)_  
  
He's also pretty sure that this is the longest time they've been in each other's presence without trying to kill the other. (It makes him feel proud.)   
  
They still keep goading each other on, though. (Baz more than Simon.) He doubts that will ever change, and he doesn't really want it to. (It's something familiar.)  
  
It's nice, to be able to have an excuse to have Simon with him for long periods of time, without Baz having to attempt to quench his feelings. (He still wants to either kiss him or bite him, but it's gotten easier to have excuses to touch him.)  
  
To be honest, Baz probably should have dealt with the fact that Simon was his ally sooner, but how could he, when he was focusing so hard on finding his dead mother's murderer? (Though, Baz definitely had time to think about it when he wasn't trying to think about consciously thinking about it.) (See? He's twisted.)  
  
But it's quite hard to think with Simon leaving sandwich crumbs everywhere.  
  
"Snow, for the last time, my bed is not a picnic center. Nor a garbage disposal." Baz says, calmly.  
  
"Funny, I would have thought otherwise." Simon says, still chewing.   
  
"How long have you been waiting to say  _that_ amazing piece?" Baz asks.  
  
"Not long." Simon said. (Which was probably code for, "Since the day I met you.") (Yes, very romantic.)  
  
"I'm flattered Snow, really, but seriously, would you please stop leaving those infernal crumbs everywhere?" Baz demands.  
  
Simon makes sure to finish his sandwich before he answers him. "You can just use  _Clean as a whistle."  
  
_ "I'd rather not have to convert to magic to make you clean up your mess." Baz answers.  
  
"That's what evil vampire roommates are for." Simon says, simply.   
  
"I'm not evil, Snow, sorry to say. And I'm not a vampire." Baz says, immediately.  
  
"Yes you are. To both questions." Simon says.  
  
"Those were statements, not questions." Baz says, not sure whether to be amused or exasperated.  
  
"The point is that you are my evil vampire roommate, but you're also my ally. Good enough?" Simon asks.  
  
"Could be better." Baz says, trying not to think about the way Simon said "my" so casually.   
  
"Well, I'll take what I can get." Simon says, standing up, and stretching his arms, so that his shoulder joints pop.  
  
_Take what I can get. Wise words, Snow._ Baz thought.  _Funny, how I can't even do that._    
  
Oblivious to Baz's internal monologue, Simon turned around. "So, can you go to the kitchen and get some more sandwiches? Because I'm kind of hungry."  
  
Baz merely cocks an eyebrow.  
  
Moments later, Simon is standing outside their shared room, (courtesy of Baz), and he's too hungry to think about what he did wrong this time.  
  
\---------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is exceedingly thick.  
  
No, he's not stupid. He's just really, really...  _clueless._  
  
He caught on the fact that Baz was a vampire since third year, but to not realize his (surely obvious) feelings for him, that was what Baz couldn't figure out.   
  
Also, for some insane reason, he thinks that Baz has the hots for Agatha, Simon's girlfriend.  
  
(Or ex-girlfriend? Because Baz had heard a couple of rumors from Dev and Niall that Simon and Agatha had... separated. Broke up. Went on different paths.)  
  
Of course, they had thought that his interest suggested that he was going to make a move on Agatha, but they couldn't be further from the truth. (Of course Baz wouldn't tell him otherwise, that, " _No, actually, I was thinking of making a move on Simon, the Chosen One. My roommate. That moron. And the one who I'm currently bloody infatuated with.")_  
  
Yeah, no.   
  
But he had seriously considered telling it to Simon himself more than once, (Not his feelings, Crowley, no, just the part about not being interested in Agatha) if only to somehow reassure the moron.   
  
(Seriously, long blond hair has nothing compared to golden brown curls.)  
  
He did try.  
  
Once. When he tried to invite Simon to his house for the holidays.   
  
In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good mix.  
  
But at least he had said it.  
  
And now, Baz was stuck in his house, doomed to think about Simon for the rest of his break, when lo and behold, who else appears on his doorstep, but the hero himself?  
  
_Hi_ seems inadequate.  
  
_What are you doing here_ sounds better.  
  
So he says it.  
  
And soon, he's leading Simon Snow into his house.   
  
To the dining room. To the library. To the dining room again. To the guest room.   
  
Baz retires to his own room, and he's stuck wondering if this is a dream, when Simon appears in his doorway and announces that he's leaving.  
  
Baz panics, until he hears the reason why.  
  
And it's all he can do not to laugh, because  _Simon Snow_ is afraid of  _wraiths._  
  
So he does the logical thing, and lets him sleep on the couch in his room.  
  
He can hear Simon's breathing, knows that it's slowing down, and knows that Simon can't leave now, because he's asleep.  
  
And he's glad.   
  
\-------------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is going to die if he doesn't leave.  
  
There's fire everywhere, and Baz started it.  
  
It's all around him, it's reflected in Simon's bright blue eyes, only they seem darker now.   
  
It's not supposed to be like this. Simon isn't supposed to be here, he's supposed to be far away, he's supposed to not care about what happens to his nemesis (or ex-nemesis?).   
  
He's supposed to be safe.   
  
And Baz isn't sure what to do. He isn't sure how to get Simon away safely. He isn't sure what to say to make Simon want to get away.   
  
(I hate you? With his luck, he'd probably cry too, with the rate he's going.) (I'll bite you?) (Simon still has his cross, and besides, Baz would never hurt him.)  
  
This isn't good.   
  
He's afraid that if he doesn't think fast enough, they would both die. He doesn't want that.  
  
(It's ok if he dies.) (But not with Simon's death on his hands as well.)  
  
Simon has too much things to do. He still has to battle the Humdrum, and he's not allowed to die before that.  
  
(Hell, he's not even allowed to die during that time.)  
  
So he speaks up. "Simon..."  
  
(Kiss him.) (He thinks he'll kiss him before he dies.) (He wants to.) (It's his last chance to.)  
  
But before he gets a chance to do anything, Simon leans forward, and presses him mouth against Baz's.   
  
(And that effectively shuts him up.)   
  
\------------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is extremely daft.  
  
He must be, why else would he kiss him?  
  
(It was probably one of those act first, think later situations. Though, there would have been no later if Baz hadn't stopped the fire.)  
  
(Yes, Baz did stop the fire. He wasn't so selfish as to end both of their lives, since it was clear that Simon had no intention of leaving.)  
  
Now they're safe, but Baz can't focus because apparently Simon is telling him that he wants them to be together.  
  
He thinks that SImon is saying something about  _boyfriends,_ and  _terrible,_ and  _want._  
  
But surely, that can't be it? Simon isn't that idiotic, to want to be together with someone who's tried to kill him numerous times? This is probably just something a guilt-ridden Simon would say.  
  
So he asks him if he's sure.  
  
Crowley, it's everything he wanted, yet, is he actually asking Snow if he really wants to back out?  
  
(This is why Pitches are unfeeling.) (They're also quite contradictory.)  
  
Baz is dazed when Simon doesn't change his mind.   
  
He's surprised when Simon shows no signs of guilt, and just says that he actually wants this.  
  
And he's stunned to think that maybe Simon is actually waiting for  _his_ answer.   
  
(Maybe this is just a dream.) (But what if it's real?)   
  
Dream, reality, delusional illusion... whichever it is, there's really only one answer to give.  
  
"Ok."  
  
_Yes. Always yes._  
  
\-----------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is going to be the death of Baz, if he doesn't die first.  
  
(Baz really doesn't want to think about that sentence.)  
  
Simon has a knack of making people infuriated, and Baz had stormed off to the numpties lair, just to come close to dying, and just to realize that Simon had apparently left on his own, and that he left his sidekick, Penelope.  
  
So here he is, driving to Watford, wishing that he hadn't been so hasty.  
  
(Or maybe wishing that Simon wasn't so pigheaded.)  
  
He tightens his grip on the steering wheel, and thinks of getting there in time to save him.  
  
Time. Such a filthy word, always threatening to separate him from Simon.   
  
Before, it was because he was afraid that he was going to die first, because he had lost in his battle against Simon. Now, it's because he's afraid that Simon's going to die.   
  
He thought of it before, scenarios to prepare himself, but those always felt unreal to him, like it was never going to happen.  
  
And now, it feels all too real, and all too soon, and  _he needs to get there in time.  
  
_ He's not even sure what he's going to do when he reaches Simon.   
  
Whether he'll have any control not to kill the Humdrum himself, for threatening Simon all these years, and causing him all kinds of misery.  
  
(He knows he won't be a match for the Humdrum, so that scenario is out.)  
  
Maybe Simon would listen to him if he was actually there to tell him not to die.   
  
(Could be worth a shot.)   
  
All he knows is that he won't let Simon die.   
  
He can't.   
  
His hands grip the steering wheel ever tighter.  
  
_Simon.  
  
_ \------------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is alive.  
  
It doesn't matter that the Mage is dead, it doesn't matter that everything might change, all that matters is that one fact.  
  
Strange how, after so many years of wanting him dead, the only thing that's passing through his mind is the thought that Simon is alive. And that that thought makes him glad.   
  
Baz reaches out a hand, and pulls Simon close to him.   
  
He's crying. He thinks he killed the Mage.  
  
Technically, it was Penelope's spell that did him in, but the guilt is still present in Simon.   
  
Of course. Simon Snow wouldn't be himself if he didn't cry for everyone that he didn't save.  
  
Baz tucks Simon's head under his chin. (Sometimes height is a necessary advantage.)  
  
He thinks he's speaking, making promises, saying that everything's going to be alright.  
  
And it should. He's going to deal with his family by himself.   
  
He's ready to stand up to him.  
  
As long as he can stay beside Simon's side. That's all he needs.  
  
(Not wants.) (He's past the stage of wanting.)  
  
Because Simon Snow is alive. He's here.  He belongs to him.   
  
And Baz needs him.   
  
\------------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is a human with dragon wings and a tail, and Baz keeps finding excuses to touch them.  
  
The wings are leathery, and the tail's pointy. Baz likes them.   
  
They represent everything that Simon did for the World of Mages and more.  
  
Simon makes a face when he tells him this. "I was just doing my duty, Baz."  
  
"You could have run away from it. I would have made you, after finding out about my mother. I'm sure Bunce has wanted to drag you away from all this more than once." Baz says. "But I know that whatever I said wouldn't change your mind."  
  
Simon frowns.   
  
"Oh spare me that kicked puppy look, Simon. That was a compliment." Baz says, refraining from sneering.  
  
"Sure." Simon says, still looking as if something had hurt him.  
  
"You defeated the Insidious Humdrum, you saved the whole magic world, and yet, you're frowning after something I said? Crowley, I must have more of an influence over you than I originally thought." Baz says, mockingly.   
  
"Of course I'm going to react to whatever you say. Don't I always?" Simon asks, frustrated.  
  
"Calm down, I didn't mean anything by it." Baz says, gently this time.  
  
"It- it's just..." Simon says, gathering his thoughts.  
  
Baz waits.  
  
"I know that you don't mean anything mean by what you say-" Simon begins.  
  
"You flatter me." Baz can't help interrupting.  
  
"-but I keep reacting to it. I know you would never hurt me on purpose, but- it's... a lot to deal with." Simon finishes lamely.  
  
"So what you're saying is that you don't trust me." Baz says, and this time he does sneer. (Self-defense mechanism.)  
  
"No, I trust you too much. I trust you, so that everything you say hurts me, because I think you mean it. Does that make sense?" Simon asks, growling, and running a hand through his hair.   
  
"Kind of." Baz says, not sneering anymore.  
  
"It's kind of like, trusting someone to say whatever mean thing comes to them, but also seeing the honesty in them. The fact that they believe in what they say is something that comforts me.That's what I choose to believe in." Simon says, sincerely.  
  
"Crowley Snow, you lost your chance to be a speaker somewhere." Baz says, surprised.  
  
"Shove it, Baz, now you're just making fun of me." Simon says, flushing.  
  
And _there's_ that kicked puppy look again. _Honestly, does he even know how adorable he looks right now?_   Baz thinks.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry if you think like that. But you should know that I'm usually quite sincere, it just sounds like I'm mocking you because that's what I'm used to. I'm used to teasing you, to getting a rise out of you, I'm not sure what to do otherwise." Baz says, thinking.  
  
Simon looks surprised. "Oh."  
  
_Alesteir Crowley, I think I've gotten through to him._ Baz thinks.   
  
"Yeah, 'oh.' Are you satisfied now?" Baz asks.  
  
"I think so." Simon says.   
  
"Good." Baz says, closing his eyes.   
  
"Baz?" Simon says.   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"I love you."   
  
That makes Baz open his eyes, and they're so wide, that it's almost comical. Simon would laugh if he wasn't looking at the floor.  
  
"Say that again." Baz demands.  
  
Simon rolls his eyes, but says it. "I love you."  
  
And suddenly Baz is on him, his hands are tangled in his hair, his mouth is pressed firmly against his, and his chest is so close, that Simon can feel his erratic heartbeat. (He's only slightly surprised that vampires still have heartbeats, because it just proves his point to Baz.) (That he's still alive.) He suspects that his hearbeat isn't any better.   
  
Baz's mouth is still cold, and Simon's is probably too hot, but they don't seem to mind. Not if their bodies which are closely pressed together are any indication of how much they want this.   
  
One of Baz's hands moves to Simon's neck, and one of Simon's hands are cupped around Baz's cheeks, his thumb rubbing against it, with his other hand is closed on a fistful of Baz's hair.   
  
When they finally pull apart, Baz gazes at him so fondly, that Simon blushes again.   
  
Baz puts one hand on his shoulder, and the other on his hip, and smiles. "I love you too, Simon."  
  
\--------------------------------------  
  
Simon Snow is his lover.  
  
Sometimes Baz can't stop staring at him, making sure that he won't disappear if he so much as blinks. Sometimes he can't stop touching him, because he's still not sure whether he's real and tangible, and there. Sometimes his mind can't believe it, and he's so sure that Simon will leave him.   
  
During these times, Simon holds him, and rubs circles on his back. Sometimes they kiss, and sometimes they do more than that.   
  
But Simon always manages to say how much he loves him during these times.  
  
Baz thinks that he's selfish, always needing some form of reassurance from his partner, but he's never pretended to be otherwise.  
  
Sometimes Baz can't believe that Simon loves him.   
  
And so he says it first, those three words, just to hear Simon say it back.   
  
It becomes a game between them, their lifeline. Whenever arguments occur, whenever Simon acts before thinking, whenever Baz says whatever mean thing comes to mind, they say these words, and then, they apologize.   
  
They like to hear it, because for Simon it means that Baz won't leave him because of whatever stupid thing he did.   
  
Baz likes to hear it because it means that Simon won't leave him because of whatever stupid thing he said.   
  
(See? They match.)  
  
It's a promise, a promise of better things to come, of holding on, of never letting go.   
  
It's a promise to "carry on."  
  
From both of them.   
  
And they're prepared to keep it.  
  
After all, being roommates for 7 years has shown their commitment (and stubbornness) in making things work.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was my first SnowBaz fic, and suggestions or comments would be welcome. =]
> 
> (AGH, THESE TWO ARE SUCH DORKS.)
> 
> Thanks for reading! =D


End file.
